Archive for My Friend

Death is a New Life

Four years ago, I met a naive girl, and I was naive too. It was just another random process of adding and approving new contact on Skype, but somehow she caught my attention. As usual we tried to impress each other and stay humble at the same time as well as exchanging compliments. After so many conversations over months, we start sharing problems, but somehow, she shared hers most of the time, while I listen more and try to comfort her. That time, she gave me an impression of a rebellious girl.

I would say she is quite unique because she lived in Cambodia, yet she have good command of English and Mandarin other than Khmer. I am not sure if others would think the same, but at least, it was something new for me back then. A year later, we still often chat with each other, and I find it amazing how we can still chat without getting bored, well at least not for me, but still there was always some complaining  about something. After sometimes we use video chat, not often but once in awhile. I am not quite sure what was she thinking at that time but on my side, I was just trying to make sure I wasn’t flirting a dude in the first place.

It’s funny how after both side knew that the other person is real, there is a lot of invitation exchanging, either me visit her or vice versa, but somehow, it never really happen. Although she visited my country but she doesn’t have my number yet, and I’m not quite sure why I wasn’t available online during that few weeks, but that’s how i missed the first chance of meeting her. After that, to avoid that incident from happening again, we exchange our phone number. So now we have more flexibility to chat with each other, we can just text each other as long as we have our cell phone with us.

Another year gone, and we still keep in touch with each other. When I first heard she moved to Singapore, I was so excited and frustrated at the same time because I was in Singapore for few days. I can’t reach her cell phone and she was not online during that few weeks. Apparently she just changed her phone number  not long ago, and there goes another chance of meeting her. She kept asking me to show her video of me dancing, I don’t mind showing her but just that when I dance, I don’t hold the camera, I don’t even have a camera back then, but still I showed her one, which my friend recorded me using his phone. It’s not good but at least it was presentable. She asked for more video of me, I’m not sure why, I thought one is enough, but I promised I would make her some. Also she start replying quite unusual and I thought it was just her style.

She seems alright, but calm before the storm, I accidentally guessed it right, that she got cancer. I wasn’t really shock, but rather feeling unbelievable that she got blood cancer. She said it was discovered at the early stage so I thought she still can be cure, I really believed and hope so. She asked if i would find it scary to have a friend with cancer, and I said no. Since then, I always try to be more supportive and give lots of encouragement.

As time pass by, another year we say good bye. I’m getting busier than the previous year, trying to sprint through my final year. But I still keep in touch with her, just to find out if she’s doing good, and after so many years, she still often called me ” yap mong” , which I still don’t quite understand what does it mean. Despite having cancer, she still living her life, and that changed my perspective of her, a strong girl. We still chat a lot, goof around, teased each other, although I was busy but I tried to reply her as much as I could.

I planned to visit her in Singapore, for real, as I was seeking for internship placement. I was kinda exciting and couldn’t hold it but to tell her the good news. So I waited for her to go online, it has been a week and still she never online. I find it rather unusual because she’s online most of the time. Then I thought of trolling at her Facebook page for appearing offline that long. But just before I start writing on her wall, I saw many other people wrote on her wall, I tried to convince my self it was all just a prank, but then there’s photos of her funeral, and a message from her brother at her wall, saying that she passed away.

Although I never get to meet her, I felt so sad for the lost. There’s a heavy feeling that keep saying I could have done better for her. It’s irony when I used to comfort people to just let things go, but now I find it very hard to do so. Dance once gave me a new perspective towards life, but after she left,  she gave me a new one. She made me realize that I wasn’t living my life to the fullest and never really appreciate things around me. I understand that regretting so much now doesn’t help much, but at least I will try to live as if I’ll die tomorrow, at least I will try not to fail to do so.





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