An Apple a Day?

So here I am, weighting 63 kg, a very short guy weighting 63 kg is a nightmare. Imagine little kids walking around with a huge backpack filled with so many textbooks. Like it or not I usually work harder than other people. I have to endure this weight while doing what other people does everyday. It’s a pain, but not in the ass.

Knowing that fact that I am heavy for my height, it kinda answered why I usually jump so low and run so slow. “How the hell you get this fat? ” my friend asked. Eating is my passion, I live to eat. All those exercise doesn’t help reducing the weight, but it does makes me feel good.

One night while dancing, my friend said ” Why don’t you just skip dinner?” . Ladies and gentlemen may I assure you, that question is insulting. It’s as if telling Mariah Carey to stop singing, asking  Adam G.Sevani to stop dancing. “One does not simply ask me to skip dinner”. I replied. “Okay, how about just having an apple for dinner?” he asked.

Challenged Accepted. 

to be continue….

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Death is a New Life

Four years ago, I met a naive girl, and I was naive too. It was just another random process of adding and approving new contact on Skype, but somehow she caught my attention. As usual we tried to impress each other and stay humble at the same time as well as exchanging compliments. After so many conversations over months, we start sharing problems, but somehow, she shared hers most of the time, while I listen more and try to comfort her. That time, she gave me an impression of a rebellious girl.

I would say she is quite unique because she lived in Cambodia, yet she have good command of English and Mandarin other than Khmer. I am not sure if others would think the same, but at least, it was something new for me back then. A year later, we still often chat with each other, and I find it amazing how we can still chat without getting bored, well at least not for me, but still there was always some complaining  about something. After sometimes we use video chat, not often but once in awhile. I am not quite sure what was she thinking at that time but on my side, I was just trying to make sure I wasn’t flirting a dude in the first place.

It’s funny how after both side knew that the other person is real, there is a lot of invitation exchanging, either me visit her or vice versa, but somehow, it never really happen. Although she visited my country but she doesn’t have my number yet, and I’m not quite sure why I wasn’t available online during that few weeks, but that’s how i missed the first chance of meeting her. After that, to avoid that incident from happening again, we exchange our phone number. So now we have more flexibility to chat with each other, we can just text each other as long as we have our cell phone with us.

Another year gone, and we still keep in touch with each other. When I first heard she moved to Singapore, I was so excited and frustrated at the same time because I was in Singapore for few days. I can’t reach her cell phone and she was not online during that few weeks. Apparently she just changed her phone number  not long ago, and there goes another chance of meeting her. She kept asking me to show her video of me dancing, I don’t mind showing her but just that when I dance, I don’t hold the camera, I don’t even have a camera back then, but still I showed her one, which my friend recorded me using his phone. It’s not good but at least it was presentable. She asked for more video of me, I’m not sure why, I thought one is enough, but I promised I would make her some. Also she start replying quite unusual and I thought it was just her style.

She seems alright, but calm before the storm, I accidentally guessed it right, that she got cancer. I wasn’t really shock, but rather feeling unbelievable that she got blood cancer. She said it was discovered at the early stage so I thought she still can be cure, I really believed and hope so. She asked if i would find it scary to have a friend with cancer, and I said no. Since then, I always try to be more supportive and give lots of encouragement.

As time pass by, another year we say good bye. I’m getting busier than the previous year, trying to sprint through my final year. But I still keep in touch with her, just to find out if she’s doing good, and after so many years, she still often called me ” yap mong” , which I still don’t quite understand what does it mean. Despite having cancer, she still living her life, and that changed my perspective of her, a strong girl. We still chat a lot, goof around, teased each other, although I was busy but I tried to reply her as much as I could.

I planned to visit her in Singapore, for real, as I was seeking for internship placement. I was kinda exciting and couldn’t hold it but to tell her the good news. So I waited for her to go online, it has been a week and still she never online. I find it rather unusual because she’s online most of the time. Then I thought of trolling at her Facebook page for appearing offline that long. But just before I start writing on her wall, I saw many other people wrote on her wall, I tried to convince my self it was all just a prank, but then there’s photos of her funeral, and a message from her brother at her wall, saying that she passed away.

Although I never get to meet her, I felt so sad for the lost. There’s a heavy feeling that keep saying I could have done better for her. It’s irony when I used to comfort people to just let things go, but now I find it very hard to do so. Dance once gave me a new perspective towards life, but after she left,  she gave me a new one. She made me realize that I wasn’t living my life to the fullest and never really appreciate things around me. I understand that regretting so much now doesn’t help much, but at least I will try to live as if I’ll die tomorrow, at least I will try not to fail to do so.

R.I.P

HUITING SNG

1994.05.19-2011.11.22

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Being Lazy is a Blessing

It was one sweet afternoon, I was in a food stall having lunch. While waiting for my food, I have nothing to do. I can feel the gentle breeze of wind, under the shade of the roof,  and I’m glad it was after lunch hour because it was so quiet and relaxing. I could just sleep on the spot, but it’s like my memories travels along the wind, it all came back to me.

I still remember when I was in my secondary school, we have our own hostel rules. We are forced to go to the field and just do something, as long as you are not staying inside the dorm around 4 o’clock. Everyone would prepare to play varieties of sports, but I just don’t feel like doing anything. So I just lay down under the tree, having the grass as the carpet, the blue sky as the ceiling, close my eyes and slowly fell asleep. Not a deep sleep but rather relaxing, as if I am floating.

Sometimes I felt stressful doing so much revisions. So I would just climb on top of the building, no, I never thought of committing suicide, it’s not even in my To-Do-List. I even take the mattress with me, enjoying the evening breeze with a mini radio beside me, watching the sunset, although the musics were crappy but it doesn’t matter at all, it felt too good to be interrupted. I mean, some people paid lots of money to go some paradise just to have what I experienced, and I get them easily. I’m just lucky to grow up in a place where it is near the beach. I always get to watch sunset too.

When I can’t sleep at night, I would go to the balcony and just enjoy the midnight breeze, often there were other friends that can’t sleep as well, we just enjoy the moment having good chat with each other. We sometimes would just escape from the hostel to go to a nearby beach, catching crabs and barbecued them on the spot. It’s not delicious, it’s just fun to do all these things. We enjoyed it as if there’s no tomorrow, no worries at all.

As I grew older, I’m just not that lazy anymore. I knew that if I am not working hard enough, or at least put much effort, I wouldn’t achieve what I dream about. I believe that goes almost the same to others as well. Some struggle to make end meets and some struggle to walk their dream. In the midst, there’s just people who are still lazy, as if they have no dream, nothing wanted to be achieve. I mean, I do work hard now not just so that I can survive on my own in the future, but being able to feed the others as well.

For those who don’t need to work hard now, I really think it’s their blessing. They need not worry about tomorrow, they are just so confident that they don’t have to do anything now and yet they can live well in the future.  Not all people have these kind of blessing, some come from a poor family, some from a broken family, and some just want to ensure a better future. I really miss those days where I can be so lazy, and just do nothing at all. It’s all different now, and I guess I’ll have to work harder now just so that I can be lazy again in the future.

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Game Developing?

Game developing is never a dream job to most of the people out there, but somehow people think it’s a cool job. It’s true, it is really cool when you have the power to create, define and rule a new world. It is awesome to know that people all around the world is playing what you created. It carved a smile on your face to see the gamers enjoy your game. It is inspiring to see gamers learned from your game, and they are able to find new possibilities within your game. However, this is not a path for everyone, not for most people out there.

Please don’t choose this path if you solely think it is cool, because behind the curtain a game developer’s job is not easy at all. It involved lots of logical thinking, precise calculation and proper simulation. Keeping the game to be understandable and playable according to the players while meeting the high expectation from gamers. It can be as hard as writing a word on a tofu.

Just because you are a game lover, it does not mean you are a game developing lover. Loving to play games only is not enough for you to be a game developer, because playing games and developing games are totally two different thing. It is like men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and people still get confused of these two creature.

Some student think that being in IT field is cool, it sound good, but they don’t want to do so much of programming and they choose game developing. Well that is not true at all, as far as I’m concerned regardless of any major in IT field, you still acquire to do lots of programming stuff. In fact, there are many other task to do in game developing like the game engine, artificial intelligent, input, networking, game tools, and many more.

Don’t simply choose this path just because you don’t know what to do, because walking in this path simply needs you to know what to do. It require lots of decision making as well. How do you think you can survive in IT field if you always don’t know what to do? Never ever use a coin toss to help you decide whether or not to be a game developer, because a coin toss won’t help you solve problem.

In many cases friends influence are stronger than you can imagine, your friend might tell you it is a good course to learn. Yes it is good, for them, not necessarily for you. You can’t simply just follow your friends, you have to know exactly why is it good for them, why are they saying it is good for you. Do more research regarding this path, and see if it is really the thing that you want, the thing that you want to do for a very long time, the thing that you can endure for very long time.

I still remember few years ago, I choose to study game design. People around me immediately interpreted that decisions as immature act, naive, playful and foolish. They proposed ideas that I don’t know what is the so called real life. Well I don’t care all that, because I know that this is not just about me doing what I love. I know it will be hard, sometimes feel like giving up, but I will make a come back very quickly and keep walking. At least this is the one thing that I can assure that I will be able to endure.

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Nightmare is a Waste of Time

For more than 20 years I walk the earth, nightmares still crawling around me. Nobody likes it, nobody want it, yet nightmares come to you uninvited. The nightmares colonized your fantasy for as long as they want without any warning, and vanish whenever they desire. They shapes in all form and understand you well, well enough to manipulate your beliefs that you would start doubting what you are, not just in the dream, but in the reality as well. They don’t attack once, nobody knows when they will strike again, but everyone can’t deny that the nightmares always leave behind confusion and fear.

See what I mean? I just wasted my time describing how cool the nightmare is, I mean, what’s the point? I should be studying for my exam! Yes, you did it again nightmare, well done. Well I’m not quite sure what is the purpose of writing all these but I do know that it was because of the nightmare I had recently, I got the idea what to write. No matter what kind of nightmares, it’s always either you can’t yell, you run very slow, strength reduced 80%, left defenseless, helpless or simply humiliating. These are the common things that I experienced in my nightmares, what about you?

Those common stuff that I experienced in the nightmare, are not the big problem, after all it was only just a dream. The main problem is, nightmares come while you are sleeping. When I go to sleep, I’m expecting to rest my body and mind peacefully, without any distraction. However, nightmares come uninvited and ruined the good time. I mean, come on, don’t these nightmares have anything to do? Go take up some music instrumental class or something, do something useful, contribute to the society! Anyway, the nightmares cause my brain cells actively running and disturbing a good night sleep. Hence, not enough sleep and feeling tired for the next day. So basically I’m suppose to be sleeping, but the nightmares ruined it and I wasted my time lying on the bed for nothing.

Imagine, if the nightmares give some sort of warning letter 5 days ahead, then I can plan and rearrange my schedule properly to make way for the nightmares. Probably sleep more before that or try to finish stuff earlier. See that? It’s a win-win situation. Unfortunately we all know that won’t happen, it’s just my fantasy. But seriously, if I know nightmares would come, I might just stay up and do other useful stuff, although tiring, but at least I make full use of my time, much better than rolling around the bed don’t you think?

Again, my time is wasted trying to describe how nightmares wasted my time. I once was kid, fear the nightmares of its creepiness. Now, I still fear the nightmares, for its time wasting ability. What about you? Nightmares creep you out?

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Books, the best invention in the world.

I used to hate books so much. The books are just so heavy to carry around. Not to mention that it’s flammable enough to cause huge fire. I can’t enter into any library as well because I will suffocate inside with so many books around. I felt like I have some weird power to sense any books around me, I would have headache if there is any. In other words, I have books allergy. The fact that I grew up with a lot of books make me sad because to create books, lots of papers are required, and where you get the papers? Tree.

I guess it’s not all bad, there is a saying, never judge a book by its cover. Books are not just for reading, try to think outside the box for awhile,  the books can be turn into a box! Well you just have to duct tape lots of books together and you got your self a box made out of books to put more books inside.

I believe many designers out there have their own preference of decorating home, be it furnishing, lighting or nothing. In my opinion, I think that book is the best decorative ever. Books are just so flexible that you can fit it in any scene you like. No matter what it will always be relevant. Perhaps you can try it your self, decorate your home with books, I’m sure when people pay a visit they would say wow, with their jaw dropping. Yes, that is what we are looking for, the “wow” factor.

Some people just love to write down notes no matter where they go. Always having a book with you would help sometimes. As you can see, the world is not square, not even a perfect round shape, it’s slightly oval. Not every place have smooth surface for you to write properly, in this case do not hesitate to use a book as the bottom layer, it provides smooth and comfortable writing surface.

Growing up in an Asian family is not easy at all, we are forced to read a lot. We are forced to read everywhere we go, including the washroom. As the elderly always said, time is gold. I didn’t understand how that phrase have anything to do with reading all the time everywhere. Until one day, when I was doing something big, guess what, there is no more tissue left. That moment, the phrase “time is gold” struck my head, and I understood. I used a few pages and get it done. If I call and wait for help, I might missed the intro song of my favorite cartoon.

Books can be a good tool to kill insect too. I used some of my mom’s books to smash some cockroaches. There is no need to buy any other stuff which are poisonous. Just use books, it help save cost, non poisonous, friendly user and intelligence. By the way, my friend told me that the cockroaches that I smashed must be very proud to die under the book, they died with honor, not every living got the chance to die under a book.

Ever annoyed by the person sit beside you? Feel like hitting them? That’s a common problem and reaction that we face nowadays. Hitting them with your own hands could hurt your own hands, but hitting them with common weapon could kill them. Just hit them with a book, it’s the best choice there is. Why? They feel the pain and it doesn’t leave scars on them. Also that hitting with a book doesn’t really hurt the relationship, it’s somehow like a package, sense of humor is included. We’ll all just have a laugh about it and get to remain the relationship until you are annoyed again, then just repeat the process and everything will be fine.

A book can be use to block the sunlight. A book can be use to keep warm as well, I learned this from the movie called ” The day after tomorrow “. There’s a lot more usage of books, and I will let you explore them all by your self. Go ahead, don’t be afraid, have fun exploring the books.

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Family Guy

Compared to the previous midterm holidays that I had, it seems to be quite unique for what I’m going through now. Unlike how I used to waste time traveling around, I spent my time wisely this week.

So I’ve been busy with a few dance competition and also other stuff such as assignments, homework, exams , sleeping eating, etc. Despite being so busy in the holidays, I still feel bored after midnight. I tried to find more entertainments but still it ain’t working. Then I felt so tired that I let my brain do the work, the body get to rest. Many theory and fantasy going in and out until something interesting struck into my head. The fact that I’m staying far away from my family and being a guy, leads me to think of the family guy. Hence, I decided to watch the family guy when I’m bored.

I went through all my hard disk only to find out that I only downloaded 2 seasons of the family guy. Which is season 1 and 2, I finished watching all of it. I tried to download other season of the family guy, but something better came up, watching it online. So of course, soon I found a link for it, and it’s free.

Season 9 of the family guy start off with a good episode, and now, I finished episode 6, I want more!!!

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